Ok. So today's post is a bit different but I figured I like to know what other Mommies out there are using to make their lives easier, so here is my list! Feel free to tell me your additions and I will post those too!
10. Pampers! I like Pampers better than Huggies b/c Huggies seem to leak on my kids.
9. Ugly Yellow Dish/Cleaning Gloves. Take care of your skin so hubby will want to hold your hand!
8. Oxi clean...not just for laundry!
7. Shark Steam Mop. It uses NO chemicals and sanitizes the floors for my little crawler.
6. Lysol/Clorox Wipes. I just bet you love these too.
5. Libman "Freedom" mop. Its the new substitute for Swiffer wet jet. I like it b/c I can wash the pads and put my own cleaners in it. I have to buy nothing further! GENIUS! I love this thing!
4. Crayola Color Wonder Series. These are AWESOME for church or other non-messy places, but its pricey!
3. Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. This is probably my favorite but I use the next two daily, all day! What CAN'T you do with these magical erasers???
2. Baby Wipes. These are in my room, in my purse, in my car, in my ____. You can wipe up, wipe off, wipe away just about anything that kids can throw, spit, wipe, or spill on either themselves or you!
AND....
1. New Balance Athletic Shoes. Ones for every day wear and others for running. I love the number system that TELLS me how much support they provide without me having to guess, wonder, or ask the salesman, who only wants his commission! I love these shoes. They last well and have never caused me grief.
So, there is my list. What products have you found that you use constantly. I know that I could do a whole separate list of kitchen gadgets like kitchen sheers or a pizza wheel. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and maybe receive a few more WONDERFUL items to make your life a little easier....like a step ladder!
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
Prayer Time - Confessional 2
Hello my name is Mommy and I ....am.....a...prayer mess. See, I am a VERY organized person. For the most part, my house is organized, my thoughts are organized, even my car is organized. However, my prayer life always just seems to be a mess. I hate this. I love the idea of lighting candles in a calm space, taking the nicely clipped article from the Sunday church bulletin with the prayer list and then prayerfully lifting each to God. Here is my problem. I have no calm space for such things. I have spoken to several others about this and most simply agree that they don't have much time for such things either. Honestly, I am saddened as I believe that our generation is apathetically falling farther from God. Less prayer time, Bible-reading, etc. are evidenced by the sharp increase in divorce, lack of ability to quickly turn to scripture during class, fewer willing to jump in and volunteer, and so on. I see evidence of less walking with God and more "talking AT God" if even involving Him at all. All it seems to have taken to shed light on this problem is a down economy!
So, after talking with several other women of varying ages over the years here are the solutions that I received.
1) Pray beside the bed at night on your knees so as not to fall asleep. & 2) Pray with your "bottom" sticking up in the air to be as uncomfortable as possible so not to fall asleep. I hate to pray before bed because I always seem to get, "Father, thank you so much for...." and then I wake up the next morning! My head hits the pillow and I am DONE! I tried both of these but my knees hurt or I couldn't breathe. That makes a distraction from the task at hand. I don't want to be distracted. 3) Pray when you first wake in the morning to be fresh and give your first to God. Now this seems ideal. But in reality I would need to wake sometime before the ice age to actually accomplish this. I get up around 5 or 5:30 each morning in order to have N at school before 7:15. I need to shower, dress, eat my own breakfast, get a lunch, get three kids fed, get three kids dressed, check a backpack and folder for completion, load everyone up and get out before 7:00 to make that happen. First thing in the morning just doesn't seem possible either.
I have spent a lot of time thinking on this over the past few years, but even more so recently. So my confession is this. I pray all day. AND I'M OK WITH THAT! 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." I have taken this verse to heart and I now pray short prayers about whatever is on my heart right then, when it crosses my mind. "Dear Lord, please watch over N today as he has a test." "Father, please help me control my temper as K has emptied a third roll of toilet paper and I don't know where there actual paper has gone!!!" "Lord, watch over A as she is sick. Please help her to heal and feel better." Now, each prayer is a little longer than this but you get the point. This makes me feel less alone, like God is with me in everything that I do (which He is!). Now, I know that Jesus set an example of how to pray with "The Lord's Prayer". In a rather concise prayer, He covered all the bases and prayed with sincerity. I know that my short little prayers don't cover all the bases in one prayer, but throughout the day, I know that I cover them all. Some of you might disagree with me and I would love to hear your point of view. I just feel that after much searching, this works for me and I don't THINK that I'm misunderstanding God's word. (Thats why your input could persuade me and make me look at this again.) For now, I like praying throughout the day. It puts a smile on my face to thank God for the beautiful dew on a spider web, or the sweet smell of my baby, or the milk grin on my K. I like to know that I can turn to Him for patience, for endurance, for ....whatever it is that I want to bring to Him at that moment. And just as importantly, I can involve the kids in these quick prayers. They can hear me pray and they often chime in too. There is NOTHING better in this world than hearing your child's sweet voice talking to their Heavenly Father and the innocence with which they ask things.
Maybe one day I will be able to sit down with my neat and tidy prayer list with candles all around, but for now this is my reality and I'm trying to make it work. How do you make it work? You just might have a better solution which I will quickly want to adopt (and share with the others reading this if you would permit). Can't wait to hear from you!
So, after talking with several other women of varying ages over the years here are the solutions that I received.
1) Pray beside the bed at night on your knees so as not to fall asleep. & 2) Pray with your "bottom" sticking up in the air to be as uncomfortable as possible so not to fall asleep. I hate to pray before bed because I always seem to get, "Father, thank you so much for...." and then I wake up the next morning! My head hits the pillow and I am DONE! I tried both of these but my knees hurt or I couldn't breathe. That makes a distraction from the task at hand. I don't want to be distracted. 3) Pray when you first wake in the morning to be fresh and give your first to God. Now this seems ideal. But in reality I would need to wake sometime before the ice age to actually accomplish this. I get up around 5 or 5:30 each morning in order to have N at school before 7:15. I need to shower, dress, eat my own breakfast, get a lunch, get three kids fed, get three kids dressed, check a backpack and folder for completion, load everyone up and get out before 7:00 to make that happen. First thing in the morning just doesn't seem possible either.
I have spent a lot of time thinking on this over the past few years, but even more so recently. So my confession is this. I pray all day. AND I'M OK WITH THAT! 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." I have taken this verse to heart and I now pray short prayers about whatever is on my heart right then, when it crosses my mind. "Dear Lord, please watch over N today as he has a test." "Father, please help me control my temper as K has emptied a third roll of toilet paper and I don't know where there actual paper has gone!!!" "Lord, watch over A as she is sick. Please help her to heal and feel better." Now, each prayer is a little longer than this but you get the point. This makes me feel less alone, like God is with me in everything that I do (which He is!). Now, I know that Jesus set an example of how to pray with "The Lord's Prayer". In a rather concise prayer, He covered all the bases and prayed with sincerity. I know that my short little prayers don't cover all the bases in one prayer, but throughout the day, I know that I cover them all. Some of you might disagree with me and I would love to hear your point of view. I just feel that after much searching, this works for me and I don't THINK that I'm misunderstanding God's word. (Thats why your input could persuade me and make me look at this again.) For now, I like praying throughout the day. It puts a smile on my face to thank God for the beautiful dew on a spider web, or the sweet smell of my baby, or the milk grin on my K. I like to know that I can turn to Him for patience, for endurance, for ....whatever it is that I want to bring to Him at that moment. And just as importantly, I can involve the kids in these quick prayers. They can hear me pray and they often chime in too. There is NOTHING better in this world than hearing your child's sweet voice talking to their Heavenly Father and the innocence with which they ask things.
Maybe one day I will be able to sit down with my neat and tidy prayer list with candles all around, but for now this is my reality and I'm trying to make it work. How do you make it work? You just might have a better solution which I will quickly want to adopt (and share with the others reading this if you would permit). Can't wait to hear from you!
Friday, December 16, 2011
No more Fake Lives!!!!
Well, I just wanted to say thanks today. I started this blog on Monday after the RANDOM idea came to me over the weekend that it might be a good way to just unload my thoughts. I figured no one would really care or want to read it and thats ok with me. That, however, has NOT been the case. In four days there have been well over 300 "hits" to the site. I have had an outpouring of love and support from my older Christian mentors as well as "You're talking about ME!" from my fellow mommies! I have received an offer to take me shopping (Whoo hoo!) and a great book about being a stay-at-home mom. I have so many other post ideas floating around in my head so hold onto to your chairs ladies, I think this is gonna be fun (at least for me!)
I also wanted to make sure I clear this up. See, this is done in "me" time so I literally type up each post in about 30 minutes, come back later to read through it, reword whatever, etc. then post it. I took a few minutes the other day to read a published post and found a few errors in it. SO....If you are upset by the errors, misspelled words, comma in wrong place, etc. kinda errors then this might not be for you. I'm working on borrowed time (from the kids) and want to get these things out of my head before it explodes. I have to work quickly. I know how to write, type, spell and even place commas but since I'm not getting a report card for this, then please forgive me my mistakes! =)
On a side note, I want to thank N's school. The Christmas program yesterday was titled, "Why We Celebrate" and every song played, sung, etc was a CHRIST-CENTERED song. (Mary Did You Know, Silent Night, O Little Town of Bethlehem, etc!!!!) There were TWO nativity sets on stage. One big one, that Santa knelt before at the end, and one small one on a table that the narrator/ family of kids knelt before with praying hands at the end!!! This is a PUBLIC school! WHOO HOO! I have NO complaints! I was impressed. Good to know that N is in good hands overall. Thanks to the administration for that one. I would send in a thank you note to the Board of Education but I don't want to GET THEM IN TROUBLE for doing something amazing. I will secretly just thank the principal and tell him to keep up the good work.
So here is to praising God whenever and wherever we can and showing support for others who do the same. Here is to showing ourselves for what we truly are: MOMS! Hard working, spit-up wearing, snot wiping, toilet scrubbing, kiss sharing, God teaching, role modeling, floor playing MOMS! Lets not pretend in front of others anymore. Rather, lets show helping hands and not-so-perfect lives in order to create an atmosphere of love and understanding amongst each other. Post your perfect lives and perfect kids living in your perfect house after your perfect vacation on facebook if you must,but I am going to just be real and let others know that they aren't alone in their pile of dirty laundry and dishes!
I also wanted to make sure I clear this up. See, this is done in "me" time so I literally type up each post in about 30 minutes, come back later to read through it, reword whatever, etc. then post it. I took a few minutes the other day to read a published post and found a few errors in it. SO....If you are upset by the errors, misspelled words, comma in wrong place, etc. kinda errors then this might not be for you. I'm working on borrowed time (from the kids) and want to get these things out of my head before it explodes. I have to work quickly. I know how to write, type, spell and even place commas but since I'm not getting a report card for this, then please forgive me my mistakes! =)
On a side note, I want to thank N's school. The Christmas program yesterday was titled, "Why We Celebrate" and every song played, sung, etc was a CHRIST-CENTERED song. (Mary Did You Know, Silent Night, O Little Town of Bethlehem, etc!!!!) There were TWO nativity sets on stage. One big one, that Santa knelt before at the end, and one small one on a table that the narrator/ family of kids knelt before with praying hands at the end!!! This is a PUBLIC school! WHOO HOO! I have NO complaints! I was impressed. Good to know that N is in good hands overall. Thanks to the administration for that one. I would send in a thank you note to the Board of Education but I don't want to GET THEM IN TROUBLE for doing something amazing. I will secretly just thank the principal and tell him to keep up the good work.
So here is to praising God whenever and wherever we can and showing support for others who do the same. Here is to showing ourselves for what we truly are: MOMS! Hard working, spit-up wearing, snot wiping, toilet scrubbing, kiss sharing, God teaching, role modeling, floor playing MOMS! Lets not pretend in front of others anymore. Rather, lets show helping hands and not-so-perfect lives in order to create an atmosphere of love and understanding amongst each other. Post your perfect lives and perfect kids living in your perfect house after your perfect vacation on facebook if you must,but I am going to just be real and let others know that they aren't alone in their pile of dirty laundry and dishes!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
K stands for TORNADO!
Well, after all the great responses, I feel like I should post again. I'm liking the "me" time that it creates and the peace within these walls to just let my thoughts flow through my fingers. So, today I thought I would talk about my middle child. If you know us, then you know that I often call her my tornado. She is a force of energy that leaves a path of destruction in her wake! After my first child being so "easy" (not that his infant time was anything but easy) it has been a real adjustment to keep up with child number 2, K. Don't get me wrong. She is a wonderful child, full of excitement and wonder. My mother-in-law always marvels at how she THINKS she is watching K non-stop, but she always seems to find things like her potatoes in her shoe closet after K is gone! These things make me laugh because I am constantly finding things in strange places and, more frustratingly, NOT finding things where they belong! You see, K is a "hunter/gatherer". She finds bags, buckets, doll strollers, etc to walk around the house and put things in. Anything really. She isn't picky. I haven't figured out any reasoning to her selections, though I am confident that in her mind there is one.
K is too smart for her own good ....and not interested in academics AT ALL. We recently moved and had to withdraw K from a WONDERFUL christian preschool where she was loved and treated with the type of kindness that she THRIVED in. I have felt extremely guilty about this as there is no other program around for three year olds that isn't government funded and requires a low income, for which we just don't qualify! I can't drop off the kindergartener and still make the 30 minute drive to drop off K at the great preschool and then do it again in the afternoons. Its too far and someone would always be late. I thought I would be able to get over the guilt by "homeschooling." I put my very best efforts into daily activities based around a letter of the week. There were lessons in science, social studies, letters, numbers, etc. It was a great program to follow. I put a lot of effort into this. It is now Christmas and despite giving it my all, K still only names 2 letters, though she can sing them. She can count to 20 but recognizes none of them. However, my little tornado can color better than my 5 year old, use scissors like a pro (including on two shirts ), and paints the most beautiful pictures because of her color choices. I just decided that I have to find whatever motivates her. She won't learn the other things until she finds a reason that she needs to know them! This, I suppose, will only come with time. That's why a preschool program would do her wonders. She would see the other kids learning them and be jealous--or at least I think/hope that is what would happen....
So, having let my guilt go and renewed my efforts to work with her in small amounts on the "not-so-appealing" letters using VERY appealing paint, shaving cream, etc. Afterall, she can start in the pre-K class next year at N's school. I determined that she is going to be ok. Until last week....
We had to take A (child number 3) to the doctor AGAIN. We were in the waiting room and K was playing with another little girl. When it was time to leave, I told her to waive goodbye to her friend. I was promptly told (loudly, as this is the only volume the child knows), "She isn't my friend. N (child #1) is my friend!" Oh...embarrassment and horror all at once. After making amends to the poor child, I walked away with my head spinning. THE CHILD NEEDS FRIENDS! Of course we have kids her age at church, but they aren't very close and don't go to school with her. I don't work so there aren't any daycare kids. We literally live IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE so there aren't any kids that I know of. Where do I find kids for her to play with???? I tried the local park with no real success all summer. No good. I tried at N's school, where I have met great difficulty meeting anyone to speak of! So, new mission: Find K friends! I have researched gyms in the area and have found two that have afternoon tiny-tot gymnastics classes. I hope to have her start in January. The little tornado is going to learn to flip. So now I'll have a FLIPPING TORNADO! Whoo hoo! But thats ok. I'll take my tornado and her flipping friend anytime.
And now my little tornado is under my elbow saying, "Mom, I wanna paint...Can I paint? Hey mom....can I paint. I wanna paint...MOM!" Gotta go!
K is too smart for her own good ....and not interested in academics AT ALL. We recently moved and had to withdraw K from a WONDERFUL christian preschool where she was loved and treated with the type of kindness that she THRIVED in. I have felt extremely guilty about this as there is no other program around for three year olds that isn't government funded and requires a low income, for which we just don't qualify! I can't drop off the kindergartener and still make the 30 minute drive to drop off K at the great preschool and then do it again in the afternoons. Its too far and someone would always be late. I thought I would be able to get over the guilt by "homeschooling." I put my very best efforts into daily activities based around a letter of the week. There were lessons in science, social studies, letters, numbers, etc. It was a great program to follow. I put a lot of effort into this. It is now Christmas and despite giving it my all, K still only names 2 letters, though she can sing them. She can count to 20 but recognizes none of them. However, my little tornado can color better than my 5 year old, use scissors like a pro (including on two shirts ), and paints the most beautiful pictures because of her color choices. I just decided that I have to find whatever motivates her. She won't learn the other things until she finds a reason that she needs to know them! This, I suppose, will only come with time. That's why a preschool program would do her wonders. She would see the other kids learning them and be jealous--or at least I think/hope that is what would happen....
So, having let my guilt go and renewed my efforts to work with her in small amounts on the "not-so-appealing" letters using VERY appealing paint, shaving cream, etc. Afterall, she can start in the pre-K class next year at N's school. I determined that she is going to be ok. Until last week....
We had to take A (child number 3) to the doctor AGAIN. We were in the waiting room and K was playing with another little girl. When it was time to leave, I told her to waive goodbye to her friend. I was promptly told (loudly, as this is the only volume the child knows), "She isn't my friend. N (child #1) is my friend!" Oh...embarrassment and horror all at once. After making amends to the poor child, I walked away with my head spinning. THE CHILD NEEDS FRIENDS! Of course we have kids her age at church, but they aren't very close and don't go to school with her. I don't work so there aren't any daycare kids. We literally live IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE so there aren't any kids that I know of. Where do I find kids for her to play with???? I tried the local park with no real success all summer. No good. I tried at N's school, where I have met great difficulty meeting anyone to speak of! So, new mission: Find K friends! I have researched gyms in the area and have found two that have afternoon tiny-tot gymnastics classes. I hope to have her start in January. The little tornado is going to learn to flip. So now I'll have a FLIPPING TORNADO! Whoo hoo! But thats ok. I'll take my tornado and her flipping friend anytime.
And now my little tornado is under my elbow saying, "Mom, I wanna paint...Can I paint? Hey mom....can I paint. I wanna paint...MOM!" Gotta go!
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Why I Love My Hubby!
This post is probably not going to turn out the way you think so keep reading and stick with me. I have several reasons to post this particular subject next. Not the least of which is to thank my wonderful hubby for being so understanding and forgiving as I open up on such a personal level to both people I know and those that I don't but hope to. He knows better than anyone that I am about as real as they come, like me or not. He is correct in his analysis of this blog, that its not just about me, its about US and OUR lives. It will nevermore be ME, as we share our very existences in walk together here on earth; during our time of vapor! Therefore, I will try very hard to keep personal habits and personal conversations to myself. I am a firm believer that there are some things in a marriage that shall always remain just between the two of you. I just as firmly believe that you should NEVER have ANY secrets withheld from your spouse (with the occasional jewelry purchase, birthday or Christmas gifts being the exception). I have no secrets from him, and after a short time writing this I'm afraid that I will only have a few from each of you!
So, why do I love my husband? Let me count the ways..... I love him more with each passing day, month and year than I did on the day that we promised to share our lives together. He has taught me more about myself than I ever imagined possible. He is just as strong-willed and bull-headed as I am and I need that to keep me grounded. This often creates conflict but each conflict resolves a matter that had probably been bugging one or the other of us for a while. =) I think the first thing he ever taught me was that in order for us to even get married I had to NEED him, not just want him. Let me explain. In my previous post, I said that I put myself through college. This is no lie. I was 100% ON MY OWN from the age of 18 and I had to learn a lot of honest, horrible truths about the world that we live in. During the coarse of my parents' divorce I learned over a short period of time that not only was my father a long-term cheater, but so were many of the men that I had grown up respecting as friends of the family, and more importantly, so was a youth minister under which I had been led for a short time. If you can't trust a minister, who can you trust??? Who do you marry? How do you protect yourself from being cheated on? I decided that I would never marry. This was a hard decision as I am a loving, giving person and couldn't imagine being alone. But it was the thought of never being a mom that just crushed me. But I was determined. I knew that divorce was wrong so I just would never marry. Obviously there are a lot of flaws to this reasoning but I was young and stupid! So I dated a few men, got burned BADLY in one long-term relationship that went sour for lots of reasons. Then I dated a guy who just wouldn't leave me alone until I agreed to see him. I only agreed because he was funny and I needed a light hearted guy at the time to make me laugh. I thought that he would ultimately see that it would never work, but I was wrong. He wanted to get married and I BROKE HIS HEART! Its one of my deepest regrets to this day. I broke his heart because I met my husband....The one who realized that I wanted him but didn't NEED him. When then-fiance' dropped this bomb shell on me (strangely in the produce department on a quick shopping trip!) it quickly occurred to me that he was RIGHT. I had all these protective walls built that I had to slowly tear down. I had been independent for so long that I didn't know how to let go enough to actually NEED someone! I was able to ultimately make this change because I trusted him. Through his own past and things he had been through I KNEW (and still know without a doubt) that he will never, Never, NEVER cheat on me.
Well, I have gotten over those days in a complete turn around. I am a stay-at-home mother and I rely on him completely for the very necessities of life. I have no form of income on my own, though I have kept my name on all of our major purchases for the purposes of credit history, etc. I rely on him to listen about my day, to tell me that everything is ok, to keep our finances in order, our house in repair (or in our case, in constant reconstruction!!!). I rely on him to help with the kids and to love them as much as I do, to be faithful to me, to come home each day with a hug, kiss and a smile, and to put money into my account for groceries and everyday expenses. I am 100% dependent on him. I haven't questioned that since. Until recently....
There seems to be an ugly trend in our society where divorce among CHRISTIAN couples is on the rise. About a year ago I was rocked by the separation of one couple from our Bible class, then another,...and another....and still ANOTHER. Now, a friend of mine is finding herself in a position that is every stay-at-home mothers' worst nightmare. Her husband, for whatever reason, has decided he no longer wants her and has cut off all installments of money! She ignorantly let him buy and sell all the major purchases only to learn that her name isn't on ANY of the titles! She cannot access any bank accounts, other than her own empty one which he used to put money into. She has no idea what their financial state is and has no way of gaining any money without a job of her own. He is now bidding his time with minimum CASH payments to her of about 30 dollars at a time. Thirty dollars won't even fill your gas tank!!!!! She is a strong, "independent", intellectual woman who now is smacking herself because her parents raised her to never get herself into this position. How could she have allowed this to happen? How could she be so STUPID? Hmmm.....because she chose to be a Godly woman! She chose to leave the corporate world where she made good money, follow her husband across the country, and raise her family the way she believes God wants His children to learn!!!!! (I must state here that I mean no ill intent to all the working mommies out there. I actually have a lot of respect for you and have absolutely NO IDEA how you get it all done!)
This has been a harsh reality check for me and sends me spiraling to try to put up a few "safety nets" of my own. ...And then I remember. I trust my husband for all the same reasons that I did 8 1/2 years ago. I love him and he loves me. We have no secrets. We know all of each others' passwords and are welcome to check email, facebook, etc. accounts of the other should we ever chose to. And just as importantly, I remember the words written in Matthew 6:25-34 which tell us about worry and that God will provide for us and all of our needs. I know that these words should comfort my friend as she can trust that the church will be there to help her and support her (I must state that she has scriptural reasons to leave him should she choose) and friends to help her make it through. I do not need to build walls or security nets. I know that should something fall I have someone to catch me. And, God forbid, should something ever happen to my wonderful life-mate, I have the saints in the kingdom to hold me up and my Heavenly Father looking over me to guide my footsteps to solid ground. I love my hubby, for he gives me strength, love, and security that I'm confident I don't deserve. I rest easy at night and there is no greater gift he could wrap up with a pretty bow to put under the tree!
So, why do I love my husband? Let me count the ways..... I love him more with each passing day, month and year than I did on the day that we promised to share our lives together. He has taught me more about myself than I ever imagined possible. He is just as strong-willed and bull-headed as I am and I need that to keep me grounded. This often creates conflict but each conflict resolves a matter that had probably been bugging one or the other of us for a while. =) I think the first thing he ever taught me was that in order for us to even get married I had to NEED him, not just want him. Let me explain. In my previous post, I said that I put myself through college. This is no lie. I was 100% ON MY OWN from the age of 18 and I had to learn a lot of honest, horrible truths about the world that we live in. During the coarse of my parents' divorce I learned over a short period of time that not only was my father a long-term cheater, but so were many of the men that I had grown up respecting as friends of the family, and more importantly, so was a youth minister under which I had been led for a short time. If you can't trust a minister, who can you trust??? Who do you marry? How do you protect yourself from being cheated on? I decided that I would never marry. This was a hard decision as I am a loving, giving person and couldn't imagine being alone. But it was the thought of never being a mom that just crushed me. But I was determined. I knew that divorce was wrong so I just would never marry. Obviously there are a lot of flaws to this reasoning but I was young and stupid! So I dated a few men, got burned BADLY in one long-term relationship that went sour for lots of reasons. Then I dated a guy who just wouldn't leave me alone until I agreed to see him. I only agreed because he was funny and I needed a light hearted guy at the time to make me laugh. I thought that he would ultimately see that it would never work, but I was wrong. He wanted to get married and I BROKE HIS HEART! Its one of my deepest regrets to this day. I broke his heart because I met my husband....The one who realized that I wanted him but didn't NEED him. When then-fiance' dropped this bomb shell on me (strangely in the produce department on a quick shopping trip!) it quickly occurred to me that he was RIGHT. I had all these protective walls built that I had to slowly tear down. I had been independent for so long that I didn't know how to let go enough to actually NEED someone! I was able to ultimately make this change because I trusted him. Through his own past and things he had been through I KNEW (and still know without a doubt) that he will never, Never, NEVER cheat on me.
Well, I have gotten over those days in a complete turn around. I am a stay-at-home mother and I rely on him completely for the very necessities of life. I have no form of income on my own, though I have kept my name on all of our major purchases for the purposes of credit history, etc. I rely on him to listen about my day, to tell me that everything is ok, to keep our finances in order, our house in repair (or in our case, in constant reconstruction!!!). I rely on him to help with the kids and to love them as much as I do, to be faithful to me, to come home each day with a hug, kiss and a smile, and to put money into my account for groceries and everyday expenses. I am 100% dependent on him. I haven't questioned that since. Until recently....
There seems to be an ugly trend in our society where divorce among CHRISTIAN couples is on the rise. About a year ago I was rocked by the separation of one couple from our Bible class, then another,...and another....and still ANOTHER. Now, a friend of mine is finding herself in a position that is every stay-at-home mothers' worst nightmare. Her husband, for whatever reason, has decided he no longer wants her and has cut off all installments of money! She ignorantly let him buy and sell all the major purchases only to learn that her name isn't on ANY of the titles! She cannot access any bank accounts, other than her own empty one which he used to put money into. She has no idea what their financial state is and has no way of gaining any money without a job of her own. He is now bidding his time with minimum CASH payments to her of about 30 dollars at a time. Thirty dollars won't even fill your gas tank!!!!! She is a strong, "independent", intellectual woman who now is smacking herself because her parents raised her to never get herself into this position. How could she have allowed this to happen? How could she be so STUPID? Hmmm.....because she chose to be a Godly woman! She chose to leave the corporate world where she made good money, follow her husband across the country, and raise her family the way she believes God wants His children to learn!!!!! (I must state here that I mean no ill intent to all the working mommies out there. I actually have a lot of respect for you and have absolutely NO IDEA how you get it all done!)
This has been a harsh reality check for me and sends me spiraling to try to put up a few "safety nets" of my own. ...And then I remember. I trust my husband for all the same reasons that I did 8 1/2 years ago. I love him and he loves me. We have no secrets. We know all of each others' passwords and are welcome to check email, facebook, etc. accounts of the other should we ever chose to. And just as importantly, I remember the words written in Matthew 6:25-34 which tell us about worry and that God will provide for us and all of our needs. I know that these words should comfort my friend as she can trust that the church will be there to help her and support her (I must state that she has scriptural reasons to leave him should she choose) and friends to help her make it through. I do not need to build walls or security nets. I know that should something fall I have someone to catch me. And, God forbid, should something ever happen to my wonderful life-mate, I have the saints in the kingdom to hold me up and my Heavenly Father looking over me to guide my footsteps to solid ground. I love my hubby, for he gives me strength, love, and security that I'm confident I don't deserve. I rest easy at night and there is no greater gift he could wrap up with a pretty bow to put under the tree!
Monday, December 12, 2011
Taking Time for Myself - Confessional
Well, this is something I have never been very good at. There is so much involved in taking care of yourself. It never really seemed like much of an issue until child number three has graced our lives. Hmmm.... Almost 9 years of marriage with 8 post college, five and a half of which have been spent raising children (and counting!). This all came into question last week when my loving husband, who meant no ill will, said to me "We need to go and get you some new clothes. Those seem to be a little dated." You see, I was coming out of Walgreens with yet another prescription for child #3's ear infection (she got tubes this week!!!) after meeting our family physician after church on Sunday.He was watching me walk back toward the car. I know I wasn't looking great, but it was one of my better outfit choices and his comments really hurt, though he meant to make me happy by telling me it was OK to go get new clothes. (I must stress that he is in no way the reason for my improper dress. The money is there and I am free should I ever wish to go get something. This is my own doing.)
I have always been at least average looking. I never really took much time in the mirror and have always been the only one in my family to enjoy being active. I guess the first time I ever took time to do something just for me was when I was 16 and made my parents drive me all the way across town to take classes once a week to become a lifeguard. I was probably 90 pounds soaking wet and have NEVER played any sort of sport. My family was into scouts, and other such things but no one could ever accuse us of being athletes of any sort. Needless to say, that class took all I had and then some to complete. The first night we were asked to swim "the 500" (meters) without stopping. I grew up swimming in a little L-shaped pool in a family friend's back yard. 500 meters might as well have been 500 miles. I recall praying to God the entire time, "Dear God, just let me not die or get called out of the pool. Let me be invisible to the big man with the whistle and just get through this!" Since then, I have learned that I CAN be an active person and live a healthy lifestyle. So much so that I majored in exercise physiology in college and now sport a worthless degree! ( I met my husband and knew that it was much more important to me to become a mother than to pursue a big career. Best decision I ever made. I have no regrets.)
Well, I have known for some time now that I need to spend more time on myself. The problem is that I just don't really know where to start! After three children, I am sadly carrying about 15 more pounds than I would prefer to have.( Just keeping the spirit of true honesty here!) It all comes down to time for ME. When am I to run with two little girls in tow? (N started school this past fall so that is one less kids to tote around.) I started running after kid #2 was born and after my husband had taken it up at work. It was successful and I got most of my figure back before getting pregnant with kid #3. In the fall I got permission from N's school to use the track behind the building in the mornings. I would pack up all three kids, drop off N, then circle back behind the building. I would get out the double jogging stroller, snacks, books, games, dolls, drinks, etc. to hopefully keep the kids happy so that I could run until they were climbing over the sides of the stroller screaming. Well, now its too cold for that and I'm struggling to find time to get in even an exercise video because A (kid #3) is now crawling and underfoot and K (kid #2) is a bit of a tornado and must be watched at all times lest HUGE messes be made in my absence. I'm hoping to start teaching a few exercise classes next fall at the local gym (to maybe use that worthless degree) but that is a long way away and who wants a fat teacher up front anyway? How does that make me credible?
Next, I'm not versed in fashion and have no idea how to shop for clothes that fit me. I am a "winter" in color choices that look good, or so I was told once long ago. I tan well and summer colors are much more fun, but I tend to look best in black, browns, and reds.*** I must take a moment here to note that my hubby and I have a deep commitment to living debt free. I fully believe that whatever money enters our bank accounts belongs to God and we should use as little of it for ourselves as we can in order to do as much with it for others that we can. How can you help others if you are still underneath debt? We are close to being there. (We were closer before a recent but necessary move. No regrets there either.)*** I have spent little to no money on clothing for myself in about a decade or more. I put myself through college so all money went to housing, books, food, etc. No new clothes. I rather enjoy buying little things for the kids or my husband (This is apparently my love language. I show love by doing small things for others.) and tend to overlook myself. I have bought a few things from the "unclaimed baggage" place not terribly far from here and the occasional Goodwill trip. I almost NEVER buy NEW clothes. I shop for the kids at the local bi-annual consignment sale. I have never had my makeup done for me and other than a few Mary K parties, never had anyone show me how. I didn't even wear make up until college, and even then it was rare. (Like Sundays and dates!) Still, I seems to have managed to get by and even seemed to have a surplus of guys in high school and college. But now that I'm getting older (let me state that I'm only 30) I have had several people look at my wedding photos and say something to the effect of, "My! You haven't changed one bit!" Is that a good thing or a bad thing? How do I look more like my current role of mother without wearing "mom jeans"? Or should I be proud that I take good care of my skin and, overall, of my body? I feel very guilty like I should be a better wife. Take more time in myself to look nicer for my husband. Wear make up and get dressed everyday. (Don't act like its unnatural for a stay-at-home mom to have a large wardrobe of gym-ready or even bed-ready daily attire!!!! It just comes with the territory! Who wants finger paints on a really nice pair of pants or snot wiped on a dry-clean only shirt?) I feel like I should care more, but don't know where to start. I have long hair that I often cut and donate to Lock of Love.(This gets me a great hair cut for free and I never pay to keep it up!) I rarely get it cut and NEVER use any salon-type chemical so dye it, etc. I often want to submit my own name to "What Not to Wear" just so that those two materialistic fashionistas will come and rescue me but I know that they would give me that $5000 visa card and I would feel far more guilty spending $200+ on shoes or a handbag when I could feed an army for that or send a kids to a christian school for that! How do I balance my obligation to God to spend His money wisely with my need to do better in this world and present myself a little nicer? I struggle with this often. I know I can lose 15 pounds! That's really not the issue though it would make shopping for clothing a lot easier. I have several pairs of jeans just waiting for me to get back into my non-mommy shape. They are folded neatly on my closet shelf and have been there since about month 3 with kid number 3. But my church clothes and tops are just sad. I would gladly turn over the whole lot to those show hosts without fight. I would be more embarrassed for others to know that was ALL that was in my closet. So, between ENT appointment for kid #3's ears and meeting hubby for lunch, I went to ROSS. I lugged two little girls through the dress section and into the changing room amidst glares for taking the cart into the handicapped fitting room. I ended up standing in line with two now-cranky little girls to purchase two (yes TWO) new dresses. I wore one yesterday and only got one comment from my dear friend. Even loving hubby didn't notice a new dress. Maybe I chose wrong...AGAIN. The other dress shall wait until I can get my tummy a little more under control. Its getting there, but I'm not so far gone that I'm willing to wear that dress just yet. Its actually my favorite of the two and I want it to fit just right before wearing it out. I want to feel pretty in it, not fat.
Sigh....these are the things that rack my brain when I have a few moments of peace. But then my head hits the pillow and I sleep for the hour before someone is crying in the night and needs my attention. They don't care what I look like. Only that I always come when called and lie with them when the boogy man looms in the corner. I guess I can still have my hair pulled back and my t-shirt and yoga pants on at 4 in the afternoon as long as they know that I love them...Can't I? Or am I slacking as a wife and mother? Do you struggle with the juggle? Let me know how YOU manage....
I have always been at least average looking. I never really took much time in the mirror and have always been the only one in my family to enjoy being active. I guess the first time I ever took time to do something just for me was when I was 16 and made my parents drive me all the way across town to take classes once a week to become a lifeguard. I was probably 90 pounds soaking wet and have NEVER played any sort of sport. My family was into scouts, and other such things but no one could ever accuse us of being athletes of any sort. Needless to say, that class took all I had and then some to complete. The first night we were asked to swim "the 500" (meters) without stopping. I grew up swimming in a little L-shaped pool in a family friend's back yard. 500 meters might as well have been 500 miles. I recall praying to God the entire time, "Dear God, just let me not die or get called out of the pool. Let me be invisible to the big man with the whistle and just get through this!" Since then, I have learned that I CAN be an active person and live a healthy lifestyle. So much so that I majored in exercise physiology in college and now sport a worthless degree! ( I met my husband and knew that it was much more important to me to become a mother than to pursue a big career. Best decision I ever made. I have no regrets.)
Well, I have known for some time now that I need to spend more time on myself. The problem is that I just don't really know where to start! After three children, I am sadly carrying about 15 more pounds than I would prefer to have.( Just keeping the spirit of true honesty here!) It all comes down to time for ME. When am I to run with two little girls in tow? (N started school this past fall so that is one less kids to tote around.) I started running after kid #2 was born and after my husband had taken it up at work. It was successful and I got most of my figure back before getting pregnant with kid #3. In the fall I got permission from N's school to use the track behind the building in the mornings. I would pack up all three kids, drop off N, then circle back behind the building. I would get out the double jogging stroller, snacks, books, games, dolls, drinks, etc. to hopefully keep the kids happy so that I could run until they were climbing over the sides of the stroller screaming. Well, now its too cold for that and I'm struggling to find time to get in even an exercise video because A (kid #3) is now crawling and underfoot and K (kid #2) is a bit of a tornado and must be watched at all times lest HUGE messes be made in my absence. I'm hoping to start teaching a few exercise classes next fall at the local gym (to maybe use that worthless degree) but that is a long way away and who wants a fat teacher up front anyway? How does that make me credible?
Next, I'm not versed in fashion and have no idea how to shop for clothes that fit me. I am a "winter" in color choices that look good, or so I was told once long ago. I tan well and summer colors are much more fun, but I tend to look best in black, browns, and reds.*** I must take a moment here to note that my hubby and I have a deep commitment to living debt free. I fully believe that whatever money enters our bank accounts belongs to God and we should use as little of it for ourselves as we can in order to do as much with it for others that we can. How can you help others if you are still underneath debt? We are close to being there. (We were closer before a recent but necessary move. No regrets there either.)*** I have spent little to no money on clothing for myself in about a decade or more. I put myself through college so all money went to housing, books, food, etc. No new clothes. I rather enjoy buying little things for the kids or my husband (This is apparently my love language. I show love by doing small things for others.) and tend to overlook myself. I have bought a few things from the "unclaimed baggage" place not terribly far from here and the occasional Goodwill trip. I almost NEVER buy NEW clothes. I shop for the kids at the local bi-annual consignment sale. I have never had my makeup done for me and other than a few Mary K parties, never had anyone show me how. I didn't even wear make up until college, and even then it was rare. (Like Sundays and dates!) Still, I seems to have managed to get by and even seemed to have a surplus of guys in high school and college. But now that I'm getting older (let me state that I'm only 30) I have had several people look at my wedding photos and say something to the effect of, "My! You haven't changed one bit!" Is that a good thing or a bad thing? How do I look more like my current role of mother without wearing "mom jeans"? Or should I be proud that I take good care of my skin and, overall, of my body? I feel very guilty like I should be a better wife. Take more time in myself to look nicer for my husband. Wear make up and get dressed everyday. (Don't act like its unnatural for a stay-at-home mom to have a large wardrobe of gym-ready or even bed-ready daily attire!!!! It just comes with the territory! Who wants finger paints on a really nice pair of pants or snot wiped on a dry-clean only shirt?) I feel like I should care more, but don't know where to start. I have long hair that I often cut and donate to Lock of Love.(This gets me a great hair cut for free and I never pay to keep it up!) I rarely get it cut and NEVER use any salon-type chemical so dye it, etc. I often want to submit my own name to "What Not to Wear" just so that those two materialistic fashionistas will come and rescue me but I know that they would give me that $5000 visa card and I would feel far more guilty spending $200+ on shoes or a handbag when I could feed an army for that or send a kids to a christian school for that! How do I balance my obligation to God to spend His money wisely with my need to do better in this world and present myself a little nicer? I struggle with this often. I know I can lose 15 pounds! That's really not the issue though it would make shopping for clothing a lot easier. I have several pairs of jeans just waiting for me to get back into my non-mommy shape. They are folded neatly on my closet shelf and have been there since about month 3 with kid number 3. But my church clothes and tops are just sad. I would gladly turn over the whole lot to those show hosts without fight. I would be more embarrassed for others to know that was ALL that was in my closet. So, between ENT appointment for kid #3's ears and meeting hubby for lunch, I went to ROSS. I lugged two little girls through the dress section and into the changing room amidst glares for taking the cart into the handicapped fitting room. I ended up standing in line with two now-cranky little girls to purchase two (yes TWO) new dresses. I wore one yesterday and only got one comment from my dear friend. Even loving hubby didn't notice a new dress. Maybe I chose wrong...AGAIN. The other dress shall wait until I can get my tummy a little more under control. Its getting there, but I'm not so far gone that I'm willing to wear that dress just yet. Its actually my favorite of the two and I want it to fit just right before wearing it out. I want to feel pretty in it, not fat.
Sigh....these are the things that rack my brain when I have a few moments of peace. But then my head hits the pillow and I sleep for the hour before someone is crying in the night and needs my attention. They don't care what I look like. Only that I always come when called and lie with them when the boogy man looms in the corner. I guess I can still have my hair pulled back and my t-shirt and yoga pants on at 4 in the afternoon as long as they know that I love them...Can't I? Or am I slacking as a wife and mother? Do you struggle with the juggle? Let me know how YOU manage....
Why "Just a Vapor"?
Well, I'm not really one to start a blog but since I have WAY too much time on my hands, I thought it might be a good idea. No, in reality, I was up to my elbows in bubble bath with three wet, slippery kids, all seemingly wanting more water out of the tub than in, when I looked down to see snot on one shoulder, spit up on the other, and a hand print in an unknown substance on my pants! At what point did it become OK to "let myself go"? I wondered when other moms found time for themselves. Mine happens to be on rare occasions when I actually get the chance to sink into the hot water myself and tune out all sounds from the rest of the house with my favorite piano CD. (In my "previous life" I was a rather good instrumentalist. I still relish listening to GOOD music rather then tiny people tunes! Occasionally, when I'm really down, I will still break out my flute and find solace in getting lost in the music.) These are the "quiet" moments in my life right now. I am often jealous of my husband's 45 minute commute home, walk through the door with quick kisses, then another 40 minutes to an hour in the bathroom by himself. And then I feel guilty for being jealous! I know of one mom who locks herself into the bathroom just for a few moments of peace. I tried that once but all it got me was incessant banging on the door and chants of "What ARE you doing in there mommy???.....Are you going POOP???" This made me laugh but still created no peace for me. So, what is a mommy to do? I chose to start a blog. To put my thoughts into words while taking a few moments just for me. To use my adult intellectualism (what little God granted me with) to feel like the woman who actually earned a degree and might someday be able to carry an adult conversation again rather than feel like I am more comfortable in the realm of Sesame Street lingo. I will have to work on the spit up and hand prints some other time. Baby steps.
So, why "Just a Vapor"? This title comes from one of my favorite "reality check" Bible verses. James 4:14 "Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away." (NASB) If you know me, then you know that I am all about being real. I tend to not beat around the bush with others and hope that they do the same for me. I rarely had female friends growing up because most of them seemed so superficial that I just didn't have much in common with them. I'm not versed in fashion or beauty and seldom take take for either. (I'm sure there will be posts on this to come). So, this verse keeps it "real" for me. We are only here for a blink of God's eyes and then gone, yet our time here is important enough to Him that He cares about all the tiny insignificant things that occur and seem so big to us. In much the same way, I feel that the time I have with my children is just a vanishing vapor, a mist in the wind. They are here and then grown. I only have the time of the mist to teach them all that I can about God and living a life in service to Him while forever trying to learn more about Him myself. I hope that someday they can look back at my writings a get a small glimpse into their mother and maybe even into themselves through their childhood. Maybe I'll be able to look back and laugh about my time in the "trenches"! We are never promised more than yesterday and today. So, I'm hoping that this will be around for my tomorrows should God bless me with them.
I hope to talk a lot about planning for the future, confessions from daily "trench warfare", and about being a Godly wife through it all. I would love your feedback. Mostly to know that I am not alone but more importantly to learn from the wisdom of others. I can't wait to share the joyful words from my kids and the random guilty confessions from my heart. Until my next few moments of "Me Time". God Bless....
So, why "Just a Vapor"? This title comes from one of my favorite "reality check" Bible verses. James 4:14 "Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away." (NASB) If you know me, then you know that I am all about being real. I tend to not beat around the bush with others and hope that they do the same for me. I rarely had female friends growing up because most of them seemed so superficial that I just didn't have much in common with them. I'm not versed in fashion or beauty and seldom take take for either. (I'm sure there will be posts on this to come). So, this verse keeps it "real" for me. We are only here for a blink of God's eyes and then gone, yet our time here is important enough to Him that He cares about all the tiny insignificant things that occur and seem so big to us. In much the same way, I feel that the time I have with my children is just a vanishing vapor, a mist in the wind. They are here and then grown. I only have the time of the mist to teach them all that I can about God and living a life in service to Him while forever trying to learn more about Him myself. I hope that someday they can look back at my writings a get a small glimpse into their mother and maybe even into themselves through their childhood. Maybe I'll be able to look back and laugh about my time in the "trenches"! We are never promised more than yesterday and today. So, I'm hoping that this will be around for my tomorrows should God bless me with them.
I hope to talk a lot about planning for the future, confessions from daily "trench warfare", and about being a Godly wife through it all. I would love your feedback. Mostly to know that I am not alone but more importantly to learn from the wisdom of others. I can't wait to share the joyful words from my kids and the random guilty confessions from my heart. Until my next few moments of "Me Time". God Bless....
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